I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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