chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
