he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
