I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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