I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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