Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
