so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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