I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just high enough for therapy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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