You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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