this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
