so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
