So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
