it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
