hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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