I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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