Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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