I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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