A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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