Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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