i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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