i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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