shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
