Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
