I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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