Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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