see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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