So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She said her name was "party"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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