Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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