My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
