I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
