I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In America we eat man semen.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
