Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
