3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just had sex bonerless
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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