got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
