Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
