Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
