you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
