If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
