mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
