I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
