she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
