Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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