On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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