I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
