hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
