Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
