he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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