your thong is hanging out like whoa
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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