Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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