Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
